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New Clean, Renewable Energy Source Discoverd on Upper East Side: Climate Crisis Averted


Earlier this morning a rag-tag collective of scientists and engineers were able to isolate a new and unique substance, that when manufactured on a large scale is capable of producing enough energy to power all of New York City indefinitely without any carbon emissions.

Officials briefed on the scientific breakthrough stated that the substance’s identity must remain classified at the moment but did comment that it is currently available in abundance and seemingly for free on City sidewalks in high concentrations on the Upper East Side of Manhattan. “The material is without a doubt related to the high number of dog ownership that is so pervasive to that part of town,” said one of the lead scientists who was not authorized to speak publicly on the matter.

More on this as it develops…

Happy April Fools Day!


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